Nervous? Who me?

yes, alright, I am.

It's been a year since I've seen my man.

A year is a long ass time in the world of relationships. It's a longer time in the world of a relationship that turns five in two weeks and is still frustratingly intercontinental.

It's ever so slightly ridiculous that I'm still nervous after this much time committed to this relationship. The first trip, totally logical. The second trip even, logical. Trip number, five, however, should be a breeze. Should be normal, familiar, just routine.

But this time has a new twist that is making me flippy in my tummy. It's the first time we've been alone in the house together. Plus, the first time I've been fully medicated for my anxiety. And to add to that my medication seems to push my mild OCD into a different place that is slightly unfamiliar and difficult for me to manage.

I have routines. Routines that I need to survive the nutty in my brain. Any change, even the arrival of my sweetie, will change those routines and I'm scared of what that will do to my brain chemistry.

Plus, there's so no room in my closet for another person. I have a lot of clothes. And shoes. SO MANY SHOES.

But, but, but, but, but, I miss him. I miss him like I'm not fully together and so maybe I'll find a way to make the routines work. Maybe I'll figure out to fit my shoes AND his shoes in the closet?

You never know.

Still, nervous. What if I'm too crazy this time around?