Two for the price of one - Picture Friday

One of my favourite places in my beautiful town, Mount Stromlo Observatory. I love the drama of the telescopes that were lost in the bushfires of 2003, and the views, of course.

The Feminist Voice

Hi, my name’s Ruth and I am a feminist.

This, obviously, is no shock to the five of you that read this blog, or anyone that follows me on twitter.

I have strong opinions about how women are currently treated in the world, how they should be treated, what rights women should have to their own body autonomy and freedom of movement. I’m highly outspoken on those opinions.

And while it is the case that I will forthrightly put forward those opinions in discussions and debates on ‘women’s’ issues, no matter what you think I am not speaking for the feminist movement as a whole.

When Clementine Ford wrote this article I don't think she was speaking for all feminists either. The way you know that is that the article falls under the heading of “opinion” and her name is on the article. Ms Ford is expressing her opinion. It’s one I agree with and wholeheartedly endorse, but it’s not for everyone.

If you read the comments, which I don’t personally recommend (yes, I was stupid enough to ignore my own advice), you’ll see gems like these:

“The authors willingness to assert her moral superiority over a choice as individual as this one signifies more about the nature of modern feminism than anything said in the text”

“No attacks please, but I can bet all the "feminists" have plenty to say to me”

“Alert the equalist brigade- another feminist is mouthing off about what a real feminist is and does”

“I'm getting tired of this myth and those feminists who cling to it like a talisman”

The common link in these responses is the implication that feminists are one hive mind. We all think alike. Every issue with a feminist bent is one that is attacked with single focus that doesn’t allow for individual thought or self expression.

This is a common attack from people that think feminism is a dirty word.

And the generalisation of feminists, and in fact women overall, leads us down a path of minimising the value of self choice and self expression. We are forced to spend time defending attacks on feminism that may not even relate to our own personal opinions. We take exception to one feminist’s argument that can be interpreted to imply that you are not feminist enough if you disagree with that opinion.

I don’t believe that to be the case, and while I certainly don’t speak for Ms Ford, I don’t think (based on reading that article and her tweets) that she does either.

Every feminist I know firmly believes in choice. Your choice to make a decision that’s best for you. I might not agree with the historical context of the decision you make i.e. changing your name on marriage, but I respect that it’s your choice to make and your reasons for making it

What I ask in return, for respecting your choice, is that you do the same.

You don’t tsk tsk behind my back about my choices to not take my husband’s name (when I finally tie the knot).

You don’t punish me for taking a name of my choice by charging me to change my name where you don’t do the same for women who take their husbands name or return to their fathers name post divorce.

You don’t make jokes about me being a lesbian.

You don’t ask if my partner is offended that I changed my name without his ‘permission’ or imply he’s ‘whipped’ because he ‘let’ me take a name that wasn’t related to him.

You accept that my choice is mine and it has absolutely nothing to do with you, to the point that you really have no business even asking why I did it.

The simple fact is that in this big bad world you only speak for one person, you, and those people you’re talking with only speak for themselves not a whole movement.

When we push a group, feminists, men, Asians, Republicans, Democrats, Liberals, Labour, into having a single voice we are limiting the millions of voices that might have something really important to say, that are drowned out by generalisations.

So, next time you’re having a conversation and you’re tempted to imply that a group of millions of the people around the world are all saying the same thing and can’t possibly think for themselves, perhaps you’d like pause and add the word “some” in front of feminist/builder/lawyer/elephant to acknowledge that there might be some people in that group that don’t conform with the majority and your generalisation of that group is misleading and insulting.

Love Story

I get asked pretty regularly how I survive my very long distance relationship. And I get asked pretty regularly how I've done it for nearly 6 years and we're still trying to get into the same place permanently.

The first answer is easy. We have Skype, we have email, we have iMessage. We talk to each other constantly. I talk to him 5-6 times a day and message all day. We share photos of our day, we relate our lives to each other in minute detail. And then we get home and we Skype we catch up on the news, social events, constantly talk tech, politics, gaming, comics, movies. We watch movies together because we can perfectly time our Apple TV's so we're in sync. We talk pretty constantly for 3-4 hours on Skype, plus during the day.

We have everything you have in your in person relationship, except that we're cooking for one and we desperately miss the cuddles, the kisses, and the intimacy that comes with being in the same country.

How do we do this for nearly 6 years?

Every day with him is a gift. All my previous relationships involved me giving more, being more, than my partner. I had to sacrifice so much to be with the person in loved. In a couple of relationships I nearly sacrificed my sanity to be with my chosen love. In this relationship we are equal. He encourages me to have my career, my passions, he builds my strength and confidence in myself every day, and he has never judged me for how I manage my fairly constant anxiety. He has never once asked me to not take medication. He has never once told me it's all in my head. He supports me every day through all my choices and I do the same for him.

Over the last 5+ years I have learned so many wonderful details of the man I love. From his terrible handwriting, to the time he spends in the shower, to the fact his poems always rhyme and he has no idea how to cook Spanish rice, but can tell me how to cook Spanish rice, it's all contributed to this glue that is us and what we're becoming.

Every day I learn new things, about what he loves, what we share, the passions and hopes we have for our future together and the children we want, the life we hope to live when we manage to make our dreams become a reality.

All those things are magical to me. And so, when someone asks how it is we can do this thing for so long, it mystifies me, because how can we not?

My dad always told me this story that he said was from Norse mythology.

In the beginning there was no man, no woman, there was just one being, one whole, perfectly balanced. Then the gods shook the earth and the being split in half and the halves were scattered all around the world, destined to search high and low for the other half that achieved the perfect balance. Sometimes that perfect half is a perfect friend, someone who understands you when you don't even understand yourself. Sometimes it's a life partner that gives you the strength to be all you want to be. They bring your soul peace.

In my life Americo is that. Both perfect friend, and perfect life partner. He is yin to my yang. Together we are the balance that allows us both to find where we are supposed to be. We never step in front of each other, trying to be first, we simply side by side provide the support that makes us bother stronger, better people.

There is no answer to why we keep doing this, how we can be this strong, this committed, this enduring. We simply are, because the alternative is that to be without each other doesn't make any sense at all.

Because we are us. And us is amazing.