The Feminist Voice

Hi, my name’s Ruth and I am a feminist.

This, obviously, is no shock to the five of you that read this blog, or anyone that follows me on twitter.

I have strong opinions about how women are currently treated in the world, how they should be treated, what rights women should have to their own body autonomy and freedom of movement. I’m highly outspoken on those opinions.

And while it is the case that I will forthrightly put forward those opinions in discussions and debates on ‘women’s’ issues, no matter what you think I am not speaking for the feminist movement as a whole.

When Clementine Ford wrote this article I don't think she was speaking for all feminists either. The way you know that is that the article falls under the heading of “opinion” and her name is on the article. Ms Ford is expressing her opinion. It’s one I agree with and wholeheartedly endorse, but it’s not for everyone.

If you read the comments, which I don’t personally recommend (yes, I was stupid enough to ignore my own advice), you’ll see gems like these:

“The authors willingness to assert her moral superiority over a choice as individual as this one signifies more about the nature of modern feminism than anything said in the text”

“No attacks please, but I can bet all the "feminists" have plenty to say to me”

“Alert the equalist brigade- another feminist is mouthing off about what a real feminist is and does”

“I'm getting tired of this myth and those feminists who cling to it like a talisman”

The common link in these responses is the implication that feminists are one hive mind. We all think alike. Every issue with a feminist bent is one that is attacked with single focus that doesn’t allow for individual thought or self expression.

This is a common attack from people that think feminism is a dirty word.

And the generalisation of feminists, and in fact women overall, leads us down a path of minimising the value of self choice and self expression. We are forced to spend time defending attacks on feminism that may not even relate to our own personal opinions. We take exception to one feminist’s argument that can be interpreted to imply that you are not feminist enough if you disagree with that opinion.

I don’t believe that to be the case, and while I certainly don’t speak for Ms Ford, I don’t think (based on reading that article and her tweets) that she does either.

Every feminist I know firmly believes in choice. Your choice to make a decision that’s best for you. I might not agree with the historical context of the decision you make i.e. changing your name on marriage, but I respect that it’s your choice to make and your reasons for making it

What I ask in return, for respecting your choice, is that you do the same.

You don’t tsk tsk behind my back about my choices to not take my husband’s name (when I finally tie the knot).

You don’t punish me for taking a name of my choice by charging me to change my name where you don’t do the same for women who take their husbands name or return to their fathers name post divorce.

You don’t make jokes about me being a lesbian.

You don’t ask if my partner is offended that I changed my name without his ‘permission’ or imply he’s ‘whipped’ because he ‘let’ me take a name that wasn’t related to him.

You accept that my choice is mine and it has absolutely nothing to do with you, to the point that you really have no business even asking why I did it.

The simple fact is that in this big bad world you only speak for one person, you, and those people you’re talking with only speak for themselves not a whole movement.

When we push a group, feminists, men, Asians, Republicans, Democrats, Liberals, Labour, into having a single voice we are limiting the millions of voices that might have something really important to say, that are drowned out by generalisations.

So, next time you’re having a conversation and you’re tempted to imply that a group of millions of the people around the world are all saying the same thing and can’t possibly think for themselves, perhaps you’d like pause and add the word “some” in front of feminist/builder/lawyer/elephant to acknowledge that there might be some people in that group that don’t conform with the majority and your generalisation of that group is misleading and insulting.

Because fuck you, that's why.

Dear society,

I'm mad at you. I was mad at you when I wrote the last post, I'm more mad at you now.

Email went out today about my name change. It was pretty straight forward, it made it VERY clear that Ruth was my first name, Fiona was my last name. You'd think it would be a pretty easy concept to understand when it's spelled out for you.

Still, of course, I got emails "congratulations Fiona". I can ignore that, it's what you get for having basically two first names.

What I also got though was many, and I mean many, "Congratulations! When did you get married?!" emails.

Now, my first thing is that surely etiquette says you don't ask the question unless you know for sure that there's been a marriage.

My second thing is fuck your assumptions.

When advised that there was no marriage, the next question was "so why did you change your name".

Because fuck you, that's why.

It's none of your fucking business.

I get that I work with you day in and out, spend more time with you than my family, but it's still none of your damn business.

I made the mistake of letting ONE person know why, to the instant "so you're a lesbian now" joke.

Is this really where we're at?

In 2012 we're still here? That a name change must be about a father or a husband and not personal choice? That if you change your name for your own choice you're a lesbian? This is how far we've come in the battle for equality?

Fuck you, society. You're supposed to be better than this. I deserve better than this. All our daughters deserve better than this.

Shape up.

You suck,

Ruth.

Choice

I changed my name today.

I did it because I wanted to. There were other reasons, but essentially it came down to that, because I want to.

I didn't make a mind blowing change. I didn't change it to "Ninja" or "Astro Boy" or "World Peace", I just made my middle name my last name. Because why not? It's my name.

For reasons beyond my comprehension there are people that seem to find this offensive.

The man at the counter when I lodged my application couldn't get his tiny mind past the idea that there are reasons for changing your name other than getting married or divorced. He asked three times when my marriage was/where my marriage was. Despite the fact I said, VERY CLEARLY, that my name was not related to a marriage or divorce.

The man was so offended that he even asked his supervisor if my reason was valid. Bless her heart she said "she can change her name for whatever reason she wants as long as it's not to someone illegal". That sorted, the gentleman was rude to me for the rest of the transaction.

Boggled as I was I didn't get involved with his nonsense, paid my money, got an agreement I could come back in the morning to get my certificate and went on about my day comforted by the fact that my wonderful friends were supportive and very kind about the change.

And I got to work and for the most part people were supportive, but a couple of women in the office, women I like, thought that my reason for changing my name was a direct attack on them. This also boggled me.

I change my name because I thought it was time for me to no longer identify myself with a name that came from a man. That was my decision and impacts me alone. I changed my name when I got married because I didn't identify with my fathers name, so I took my husbands. And I joked pretty constantly after my divorce that I kept my ex's name because I had a better relationship with him than with my father, so I kept my married name (also because it is time consuming and EXPENSIVE to change your name).

But a time came when I was confident in myself, my strength, my place in the world, my relationship with my fiancé, my relationship with my family, and my career and I decided I was ready to be just me. And that's what suits me.

When I decided to change my name to reflect, in part, that I feel very strongly about women being slapped with a mans name, that view didn't come with the idea that it should impact beyond just me.

I don't want all the women in the world to change their names because I feel strongly about this. I don't judge women that keep their maiden name. I don't judge women that take their husbands names. That choice is the right choice for them, and I respect it because they're making a choice. And that choice is what feminism boils down to. What equality means.

Being equal means that you have choice. I have the choice to change my name without society having an apoplexy.

I have the right for that name change to cost the same as a name change for someone who is getting married or divorced, be it free, or at a cost, because a name change should have equal status across the board. There shouldn't be a built in bias for women getting married to change their name to their husbands name because they can do it for free from their license, to their passport, to the cost of the name change itself. A name change is a name change, the reason shouldn't matter. Because the choice to change your name is personal, and the government shouldn't have a bias, even a cost bias when something is a personal choice.

Choices are not things that go beyond yourself. Choice is entirely something you do on your own.

A name change, a marriage, divorce, abortion, birth control, adoption, these are things that a single person of their own sane mind should be able to choose.

Where you go, who you go with, what you wear, who you leave with, these are your own free choices and should not come with risks like sexual assault, abuse, and rape.

I don't judge women or men for keeping or changing their name, or for making choices that wouldn't suit me personally because I don't want them to judge me when I make those choices.

And because I respect their right to make those choices on their own without society pushing them to go a certain way. Or politicians forcing them to go a  certain way because that politician is pushing a religious agenda.

As people in this world we are born with nothing but what other people give us. Our opinions and thoughts as we grow and develop are those that are imprinted on us by parents, teachers and friends.

It takes a long time to come to a point where you can stand up and know that you are saying something or doing something that comes truly from inside yourself because of your own strength and conviction. And those decisions and actions should be celebrated because choice should be celebrated.

I am whoever I say I am, and right now I say that I'm Ruth Fiona and if you don't like it, well, honestly it's none of your fucking business.