Friday, 28 February 2014
Saturday, 22 February 2014
Silence
A woman I admire died today. I didn't know her at all. Never had the chance to meet her, but I interacted with her a few times on twitter.
She was kind, forthright, thoughtful, passionate, and spoke openly about mental illness and depression. She talked about her previous suicide attempts, about how upsetting it was for her to be attacked on twitter, to be told to kill herself, to be bullied constantly by gutless, faceless, cowards. I don't know much of the details about how she died, but it seems like she killed herself. I can only imagine why. Nobody, perhaps not even her family, will know why she thought this was the only option open to her.
I expect, as this is debated online and off, that she'll be called selfish for making this choice and leaving behind so much. She was beloved, even by those who only knew her via social media. She was also hated in a way that I can't even comprehend. She was spoken to in ways no human deserves. Regardless of the circumstances, the perception of suicide being selfish is an easy conclusion to come to, but comes from flawed reasoning of people that don't really understand what it's like to live with depression.
Depression kills you in silence. The reality of being loved is impossible to understand when the silence in your mind is attacking you and making you believe you are valueless. Even in the middle of a crowd of friends and family, it dampens the noise and fills you with despair that only another person that has lived with depression can possibly understand. Even someone who lives with it day in and day cannot understand your depression. Nobody can. Your own mind rebels against you and fills you with such fear and sadness.
I live with depression every day. And anxiety. It is a horrible reality I can't explain to those that love me. It is a fear so deep within me that I can't bring it close enough to the surface of my mind to give it words. I fight it with medication, will, and anger. Only the deep anger I feel at being filled with this deeply horrible despair can drive the sadness away. Even then it is only for a time.
There have been times that I have felt so overwhelmed by depression that I have considered, and tried, to commit suicide. I was unsuccessful and I'm glad. Because I lived I've experienced so much, not all of it wonderful, but all of it worth it.
There are few words that can bring someone back from the brink. It's so hard to believe that anything can be good when you live in a silent sadness all the time. But there are people who can help. You just need to find the strength to ask.
Phone a friend, phone your family, phone a total stranger, phone lifeline. Ask for help. Find that spark of anger inside you that's saying "I want to live" and use it to pick up the phone and ask for help. There is no shame in saying you need help. It is not weak to be vulnerable.
In the world of depression silence is the enemy, and the only way to beat it is to speak out. Not just when you're in trouble, but every day. Mental illness shouldn't be spoken of in hushed whispers of shame. It should be talked about openly so that those that live with it know they can ask for help.
If you are lost please don't hesitate to contact lifeline or a mental health helpline. In Australia you can 13 11 14 anytime day or night. Save your own life, because it really does get better.
She was kind, forthright, thoughtful, passionate, and spoke openly about mental illness and depression. She talked about her previous suicide attempts, about how upsetting it was for her to be attacked on twitter, to be told to kill herself, to be bullied constantly by gutless, faceless, cowards. I don't know much of the details about how she died, but it seems like she killed herself. I can only imagine why. Nobody, perhaps not even her family, will know why she thought this was the only option open to her.
I expect, as this is debated online and off, that she'll be called selfish for making this choice and leaving behind so much. She was beloved, even by those who only knew her via social media. She was also hated in a way that I can't even comprehend. She was spoken to in ways no human deserves. Regardless of the circumstances, the perception of suicide being selfish is an easy conclusion to come to, but comes from flawed reasoning of people that don't really understand what it's like to live with depression.
Depression kills you in silence. The reality of being loved is impossible to understand when the silence in your mind is attacking you and making you believe you are valueless. Even in the middle of a crowd of friends and family, it dampens the noise and fills you with despair that only another person that has lived with depression can possibly understand. Even someone who lives with it day in and day cannot understand your depression. Nobody can. Your own mind rebels against you and fills you with such fear and sadness.
I live with depression every day. And anxiety. It is a horrible reality I can't explain to those that love me. It is a fear so deep within me that I can't bring it close enough to the surface of my mind to give it words. I fight it with medication, will, and anger. Only the deep anger I feel at being filled with this deeply horrible despair can drive the sadness away. Even then it is only for a time.
There have been times that I have felt so overwhelmed by depression that I have considered, and tried, to commit suicide. I was unsuccessful and I'm glad. Because I lived I've experienced so much, not all of it wonderful, but all of it worth it.
There are few words that can bring someone back from the brink. It's so hard to believe that anything can be good when you live in a silent sadness all the time. But there are people who can help. You just need to find the strength to ask.
Phone a friend, phone your family, phone a total stranger, phone lifeline. Ask for help. Find that spark of anger inside you that's saying "I want to live" and use it to pick up the phone and ask for help. There is no shame in saying you need help. It is not weak to be vulnerable.
In the world of depression silence is the enemy, and the only way to beat it is to speak out. Not just when you're in trouble, but every day. Mental illness shouldn't be spoken of in hushed whispers of shame. It should be talked about openly so that those that live with it know they can ask for help.
If you are lost please don't hesitate to contact lifeline or a mental health helpline. In Australia you can 13 11 14 anytime day or night. Save your own life, because it really does get better.
Tuesday, 18 February 2014
Stage 2
And here we are.
We lodged our prospective marriage visa on 13 August 2013. On 31 October that visa was granted and only three weeks later Americo arrived here with three giant suitcases in tow.
Two more weeks and we were married. Nine days later we had our first "real" Christmas together. Then our first New Year. And our first Valentines day.
And today, just two days after our two month wedding anniversary, Immigration has granted his temporary residency visa.
For the next two years he gets to stay here. We don't have to do any more applications. We don't have to pay any more money. In two years they get in touch and ask for some more evidence that we're still together, and then, all going according to plan he gets permanent residency.
For all our six years of apart, and the stresses that come with a long distance relationship, we have been astoundingly lucky in our immigration process. Our applications were straight forward, our approvals fast, and our case officers kind and professional. I am painfully aware the process is far from easy for most, and even our process wasn't entirely easy.
We were prepared for this in so many ways because we are both well organised with our emails, calls and evidence. We knew long in advance of our application that we'd need to have evidence, so we kept our skype call logs and chats, we kept so many emails, all the travel documents, letters, cards, both to each other and from others. Add to that our joint love of photography and there is an overwhelming amount of evidence of our relationship and love for each other.
My particularly organised brain and my experience with understanding government forms made it easy to put all the evidence together and complete the forms. Even with that experience we both managed to get questions wrong because of confusing wording. For people that don't have experience with government it must be painfully challenging to fill in those forms. I can't even imagine the greater difficulty for those for which English is not their first language.
Australia is a beautiful country. We are full of kind people with great hearts that have capacity to love and welcome people from all around the world. We are a country of immigrants whose cultures and traditions make this beautiful country what it is.
My wish for this country, and the world in general, is that we can all find within ourselves the kindness to make immigration as easy for everyone, as it was for us.
We lodged our prospective marriage visa on 13 August 2013. On 31 October that visa was granted and only three weeks later Americo arrived here with three giant suitcases in tow.
Two more weeks and we were married. Nine days later we had our first "real" Christmas together. Then our first New Year. And our first Valentines day.
And today, just two days after our two month wedding anniversary, Immigration has granted his temporary residency visa.
For the next two years he gets to stay here. We don't have to do any more applications. We don't have to pay any more money. In two years they get in touch and ask for some more evidence that we're still together, and then, all going according to plan he gets permanent residency.
For all our six years of apart, and the stresses that come with a long distance relationship, we have been astoundingly lucky in our immigration process. Our applications were straight forward, our approvals fast, and our case officers kind and professional. I am painfully aware the process is far from easy for most, and even our process wasn't entirely easy.
We were prepared for this in so many ways because we are both well organised with our emails, calls and evidence. We knew long in advance of our application that we'd need to have evidence, so we kept our skype call logs and chats, we kept so many emails, all the travel documents, letters, cards, both to each other and from others. Add to that our joint love of photography and there is an overwhelming amount of evidence of our relationship and love for each other.
My particularly organised brain and my experience with understanding government forms made it easy to put all the evidence together and complete the forms. Even with that experience we both managed to get questions wrong because of confusing wording. For people that don't have experience with government it must be painfully challenging to fill in those forms. I can't even imagine the greater difficulty for those for which English is not their first language.
Australia is a beautiful country. We are full of kind people with great hearts that have capacity to love and welcome people from all around the world. We are a country of immigrants whose cultures and traditions make this beautiful country what it is.
My wish for this country, and the world in general, is that we can all find within ourselves the kindness to make immigration as easy for everyone, as it was for us.
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