The beginning is the end is the beginning

What a day, huh?

I have one of these things:

And a whole lot of this:

 I am utterly overjoyed that he is here and here for good. I can't even explain the amazing. Also the mess, but mostly the amazing. 

Then there's the downside. I have been AMPED for a month. UP UP UP UP UP. So high I could just about fist bump the international space station. I shook myself 300km to meet Americo at the airport and worked myself up to a level of anxiety and anticipation I haven't been at since my first trip to San Francisco in 2009. 

Of course there are consequences. Obsessive consequences. Clean everything and make sure all the avengers are perfectly lined up consequences. I'm not enjoying them very much at all. 

I feel so terrible that this is the welcome Americo gets, me crazy cleaning the house to work my way through the down that I know is going to hit me pretty hard. He deserves more than this, we both do. 

But upside, today is both a beginning and an end. It is the end of Skype and Facetime, the beginning of cuddles and socks on the floor. And getting married and trying to budget for two. 

Wait, what are the upsides again? 

I'm kidding, this rocks. 

So close, and yet so far.

A week.
A week.
Oh how is it possible there's still a week.

Upside, wedding rings arrived.

The very odd passage of time

All things considered the last six years have passed in the blink of an eye. 2343 day it may have been, but it felt like nothing in light of all that we have done.

Given that, it is really quite irritating that the last two weeks have moved in the same sort of eons that are required to form glaciers or giant redwoods.

Twelve and a half more days is impossible. I will lose my mind before it gets here.

I am in manic mode. Give me a task that should take a week and I get it done in hours. I'm begging for work. I'm nervous and jittery and fidget constantly. I can't settle to read a book, my mind is going over the same details again and again.

Sleep is a challenge and waking hours are flitting butterfly like from distraction to distraction.

I've finished a book a day for the last week. I can't even speed read.

I don't know how to focus myself or my mind to make this rather bizarre situation speed up, when it has already been faster than we ever imagined it would be.

I really don't know what to do or how to explain the insanity to anyone.

So, if you're in Canberra and you come across a slightly crazy eyed blonde girl spinning around in a park full of children who are wide eyed in confusion, perhaps you could point me at a cafe and get me a calming chamomile and pat my hand, or something?

Cause of the nutty? Surely not. 

Coincidence

Americo and I first met on 23 October 2009.

Exactly a year later, I took the exact same flight to spend three months in San Francisco with Americo. If you ever get a chance to spend three (or more) months living in San Francisco you really should. It's a beautiful city full of amazing people.

Four years and four days after our first joyful airport welcome, we will have another joyful airport welcome, only this time there won't be a ticking clock counting down to the day we have to have a tearful airport farewell.

I don't believe in god. I have faith in something, I don't know what, something bigger than us. I do believe there is a greater plan for us in the universe than what we can see and know and touch and feel.

It's crazy, I know, truly crazy to think that my relationship with Americo is fated to be by something bigger and greater than I can ever imagine, but in the coincidences of our life, I see a greater magic than our human world allows.

The shipping notice for my wedding dress arrived at the exact moment of Americo's call to tell me the visa was approved. The on sale flights that were within days of the four year anniversary of our first week together.

The ease with which the wedding has come together, the celebrant is available, the venue is available, and my family and our dear friends are all able to be there on the day.

Regardless of the evidence that doesn't exist, I can't help but believe that something, gaia, god, fairies, is smoothing our path to each other, and whatever it is, I'm grateful.

Surreality

It's been just about a week since Americo's visa got approved. I still feel like I've entered some kind of surreal reality that isn't the reality I was in before the visa got approved.

I know it's really real. I've read the approval letter 100 times. I'm constantly checking the flight confirmation just to be sure I really booked it. My bank balances are a scary daily reminder that I am really going to have my fiance in under three weeks, and he's going to be my husband in 38 days.

Yup. Not only is he moving here, but I was mentally deranged (or PMSing) enough to decide to get married with just 6 weeks notice.

That doesn't feel real either.

I have shoes.
I have ordered rings.
I have a dress ordered to be delivered with my husband to be.
The celebrant is set.
The venue is arranged.
I've given everyone a heads up.
I've spent 3 lunchtimes at work making invitations to send out tomorrow.

Now, even taking into account that some of this had been semi organised anyway, it needed to be for the visa, it's so ... odd to think I'm going to be a married woman so soon. So much sooner than we had planned.

I probably pushed this too quickly, all things considered. From a money perspective it would have been sensible to wait until after Christmas so I had my bonus and stuff in to pay for the wedding, but I was so keen to get married in 2013, it has been such a good year for us after all.

Thinking about how blessed we were with timing of the visa, the flights, and all our deliveries arriving, I can only hope that fate keeps blessing us for just a little bit longer and helps us pull this off without destroying my good credit rating.

And until he's here I think my brain will just keep being confused by this strange new reality where I'll no longer have to spend 12 hours a day on a computer.

Lucky 13

Last year as I put my Christmas tree up, and cried over another Christmas without Americo, I sobbingly declared it was our last Christmas apart.

Though I was determined it would be so, I had a lot of doubt we could make it happen. I'd have to save so much money, the application was so expensive, there was so much paperwork to be done, and of months the waiting. 

Immigration were so clear it'd be 5-12 months, and we didn't get the paperwork in until August, so we wouldn't have Christmas, but maybe we'd get lucky for valentines day. 

Today, on a day off from work, after two days plagued with migraines, I was hoping to sleep in. Instead Americo called me at 6:30. I was nauseous and tired, wanted more sleep, until he told me he was coming to Australia. Forever. 

No more 3 months here or 3 months there. I can finally plan the wedding and plan for the future. 

More sleep became impossible, of course, so I decided to check flights. Obviously Air New Zealand decided it was fate we be together, and was having a fare sale allowing us to score flights for $1000 including extra luggage. 

And now, as it turns out, my husband to be will be here in 26 day. Less than two pay periods. 

We get to have Christmas, and new year, and valentines day. My birthday, his birthday, the birth of princess Santa Jesus. We get to have anniversaries and dinner parties and find a new house. 

And on 25 December 2013 I get to wake up with my man, I get to play Lego marvel superheroes all day on the PS4, we get to cook pulled pork and raspberry BBQ sauce, or visit my mum, and we get to do it together. 

Despite all my doubts and stress, 13 yet again turns out to be my lucky number, and it is with slightly confused shock that I retire the "Ruth and Americo 2014" tag and replace it with "Ruth and Americo 2013".

I get to see my gorgeous man in 26 days, and this time I don't have to give him back. 

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