Waiting...

It's a month today since we received the email from Immigration asking for the final information for our application.

The medical is done.

The police check received.

The FBI check has been lodged and we've been waiting 3 weeks for it to arrive.

And it feels like forever.

This process is so much about waiting. This whole relationship has been about waiting. I feel like every minute of the last six years has been set to a count down timer, but this time there is no count down. There is no way to know when the waiting comes to an end.

With the waiting comes fear, doubt, worry.

What if we don't have enough evidence. What if the medical results aren't enough. What if we're denied this visa and we can't get married here, he can't live here, we have to keep doing this for even longer.

There's so much now that is out of our hands, and in the hands of someone on the other side of the world to me that doesn't know me, doesn't know us, and yet has complete control over our fate.

How can we even resolve the uncertainty of that type of situation? How do you cope with it day to day when you're alone and dealing with so much in your personal life without your partner with you. We have so much amazing technology, and yet, it's not the same as having someone to hug and cry with at the end of the day.

I miss my fiancé.

It's a year since I've seen him, held him, kissed him.

I'm tired and I want my husband.

I want to be able to properly plan our wedding. I want to put a deposit down on this gorgeous cafe

I want a wedding ring to go with the perfect engagement ring I finally have on my finger. 

We have waited for so long this, and we deserve it.

I desperately hope we can progress this soon.