This is what a feminist looks like

A chick I dig on twitter, Amanda Rose, wrote this article.

It's a good article, and I get the point she's trying to make. Are men confused? No doubt. Living in 2012 in a world where women can become Prime Ministers (psst they've been doing that in New Zealand since last century), the Secretary of State, CEO's (though not very many) and even work in IT has got to be confronting to the men who have previously held all these jobs while women stayed home, had babies, made biscuits, and went to the nursing mothers group once a week.

The suffrage movement, and the feminists of the 70's and 80's changed the way that women were treated in the world. From having no voice at all, other than influencing the husband in bed, or maybe having a small control over the household budget, we had the ability to vote, to go to work, to be lawyers, and doctors, serve in parliament, be builders, plumbers, programmers. We can do any job that a man can do. And should have equal opportunities to win those jobs, and should be treated equally and paid equally once we win the job.

Is that actually the case? My experience is no.

Now, lets talk misogyny.

Dictionary.com defines misogyny as the hatred of women. It's a pretty simply definition. Macquarie Dictionary has recently changed their definition to include "entrenched prejudice against women". This change was so shocking it was a big deal in the media, because isn't that basically sexism?

The definition of sexism is "discrimination based on gender, particularly against women". I find the last half of that statement pretty silly, to be honest, because I've seen sexist behaviour towards men too, so saying it's particularly relevant to women makes the definition of sexism, to my mind, sexist.

So, I like that the definition of misogyny being changed, because I think saying things are sexist is too light weight for a systematic and determined campaign against women. For example, I think US "War on Women" is not simply sexism, its just too wide spread, and comes from such a deep dark place in which women are not equal to men and never will be. It's a religious based war, with Christians deciding that it's against their religion for women to have control of their bodies. Saying that's sexist is too simple. It's not sexism, it's misogyny. It's a calculated, and in some cases legislated, hated of women. Of a woman's right to think for herself and make her own health care decisions. That is absolutely an entrenched prejudice against women.

As is Tony Abbott's, and the main stream media's, behavior towards Julia Gillard. You only need to read a few articles, or listen to question time for 45 minutes, or do a google search of Mr Abbott to find that he really doesn't like women. He thinks that should be at home doing the ironing. He thinks that women don't have the same capacity for leadership as a man. Is saying that behavior is sexist enough? No, I don't think it is. I think it's misogyny and I absolutely think that Julia Gillard was spot on in this video when she called Mr Abbott out for his behavior and when she referred to it as misogyny, because it is.

If you really want to see some entrenched prejudice against women google Julia Gillard and check out some of the articles about her. I just did and found quite a number that referred to her as Julia. A google search of Tony Abbott found that in a good number of articles he was referred to as Mr Abbott, or Tony Abbott, not just by his first name. Is this sexist behavior from the media? oh hell yes. Is it misogynistic? I think so, yes.

So, back to Amanda's article....

Do women use misogynist every day to describe men they don't like? I haven't seen it, but maybe. Is the word misogynist confused by people? probably yes. Does that mean it shouldn't be used? No. To my mind it's better to hear this word on peoples lips every day, than not at all. While by strict definition I suppose the PM should have used sexist, rather than misogynist when talking about Mr Abbott, but there is now a national discussion about feminism and misogyny and that's only to the benefit of Australia, and the world. The PM's take down of ol' Tony has 1.2 million views. My twitter feeds blew up within minutes of the completion of the speech with every women I know RTing in delight and talking about how proud they were. US site Jezebel, the Mary Sue, and even the New Yorker talked about what a powerful video it was. Because it was. It made women feel strong and empowered and like they could do anything, because there was a female PM speaking out against the way she'd been treated, which was very clearly in a sexist way, by the opposition leader.

Now, here comes the point where we go back to the mainstream media, and what idiots they are...the mainstream media, in every article I read, dismissed the PM's speech as petulant, or contrived. They didn't think it had any impact because it was manipulative. They dismissed at as using the 'gender card' against Tony, as women are wont to do.

That commentary is, in itself, disgustingly sexist. Dismissive. Rude. It was just plain shit to read that after such a powerful and passionate speech. They claimed it wasn't politically relevent, wouldn't help her ratings. Two weeks later and she's 3 points up in polls. Imagine that, women were moved by that speech and voiced their approval.

Women started to proudly proclaim they were feminist. In fact, even Mr Abbott came out as a feminist. That, btw, lie that it was, was success in itself because it made feminism ok again.

When I was a teen in the 90's feminism was a dirty word. It was "over" (apparently it's still over). I didn't want to be seen like those bra burning chicks from the 70's, I could get any job I wanted, why did I need feminism? I was young, and to be honest, I was stupid. I had a bad experience where a feminist on the bus told me off for wanting to give up work and have kids, I should be able to do both.

I'm old enough now to know that feminism is choice, and that woman was wrong.

Feminism is the ability and right to choose for yourself, and to have the options available to you to choose from.

If I want a job in IT I should be able to get a job in IT. My resume shouldn't be thrown in the bin just because I'm a woman, and yet it happens. If you're a woman looking for an IT job and you manage to get past the resume chuck out phase, you should have the right to be paid equally to a man. Chances are you won't be. if you're a woman working in IT you should be treated equally at work, not oggled, or dismissed as having less knowledge. If you read everydaysexism.com you'll quickly find that's not the case.

If I want to quit work and stay home, have babies, raise them, be around, I should have that choice too. I shouldn't be forced to work because there's no paid parental leave. And I shouldn't be forced to stay home because there's not enough child care. And I shouldn't be judged by anyone for my choice to stay home, or not.

Neither should my partner. If he wants to stay home and raise the kids he should be able to, with the right to leave, and the right to make his choice without societal judgement coming his way.

In my experience (and I know A LOT of feminists) that's what feminists want.

They want the opportunity, the choice, the rights, the ability to choose without judgment, and the same pay for the same job.

They don't hate men. They just want to be equal in a world that's still paying them less and treating them as less.

In my experience I am treated as less at work. I have been spoken over and dismissed in meetings where I was the only woman. In the same meetings, when I could get a word in, I proposed a solution and was told it was "useless" and then watched as a man suggested the exact same thing and was a genius. I've been referred to as "sweetie" "love" "darling" and "princess" while men were given the respect of having a real name. I've been referred to as a lesbian for ditching my last name and adopting my middle name as my last name. I've had eyes rolled whenever I've raised that the sign in the kitchen "your mother doesn't work here, clean up after yourself" is sexist and outdated, it's not the 70's folks, lets try and move in the new century.

It's because of these behaviors that the word misogyny is used casually, because we need a stronger word to say "this shit is FUCKED" when sexist just doesn't get the point across.

Are there feminists that hate men? Sure, no doubt. Do men often claim that feminists hate men in order to dismiss a relevant argument presented to them by a feminist? oh my yes. Do some folks like to jump up and claim misandry (the opposite of misogyny) when they want to silence a strong outspoken women? oh yeah, my twitter feed is a treat.


So, are men confused about how to treat women? Should they open they door? Can they say they like your outfit? Should they hold the chair out? Tell you that you look sexy?

It's all about context, baby.

Should you open the door? Yes. But don't mind if a woman opens the door for you.

Can you say you like my outfit? To be sure, but think about how you frame the compliment. If it's at work, using the words "sexy" and "school girl" are probably terms to avoid. be professional and smart about how you say it. I love a compliment, but if you make it skeevy, it's just skeevy.

Should you hold the chair out? Sure, why not? But I'm really short and inevitably I get a chair in the knees and that really hurts, so I don't know, if you want.

Can you tell me I look sexy? Only if you're my fella. If you're not my fella, I'd really prefer you didn't. That's just me tho.

All these thoughts are just me.

I don't speak for any feminist but me.

I don't speak for any woman but me.

I won't speak for you, because you might like the chair thing.

The thing that really gets to me about feminism, all the different definitions, the disclaimers "oh I'm not a feminist" the denouncing of feminism as evil, the spouting of opinions presented by feminists as the opinion of all feminists, is that it's fucking bullshit, much like any assumption that one group thinks the same all the time.

Not all white people think the same. Not all Asians think the same. Not all men think the same. Not all women thing the same. Not all feminists think the same.

But at the end of the day, feminism isn't as hard as people make it and we'd all be better served by remembering that feminism is equality and choice, and misogyny is the hatred of women, and put some effort into making it clear to the media that they're making the issue harder for all of us by putting a spin on these terms.


I'm proud to proclaim that I'm a feminist. Not just in words, but in actions and intent. If you met me and talked with me for 5 minutes you'd know I'm a feminist because I think it's important that we speak out loud about these things, and I'm not afraid to be the one that does it.

I think all woman should be proud to say they're feminist, I think men should lean to be proud to be feminist too. I think we should all be proud to say we want equality for women, because it's 2012 and we don't have it yet.

And really, isn't it time we did?