Choice

I changed my name today.

I did it because I wanted to. There were other reasons, but essentially it came down to that, because I want to.

I didn't make a mind blowing change. I didn't change it to "Ninja" or "Astro Boy" or "World Peace", I just made my middle name my last name. Because why not? It's my name.

For reasons beyond my comprehension there are people that seem to find this offensive.

The man at the counter when I lodged my application couldn't get his tiny mind past the idea that there are reasons for changing your name other than getting married or divorced. He asked three times when my marriage was/where my marriage was. Despite the fact I said, VERY CLEARLY, that my name was not related to a marriage or divorce.

The man was so offended that he even asked his supervisor if my reason was valid. Bless her heart she said "she can change her name for whatever reason she wants as long as it's not to someone illegal". That sorted, the gentleman was rude to me for the rest of the transaction.

Boggled as I was I didn't get involved with his nonsense, paid my money, got an agreement I could come back in the morning to get my certificate and went on about my day comforted by the fact that my wonderful friends were supportive and very kind about the change.

And I got to work and for the most part people were supportive, but a couple of women in the office, women I like, thought that my reason for changing my name was a direct attack on them. This also boggled me.

I change my name because I thought it was time for me to no longer identify myself with a name that came from a man. That was my decision and impacts me alone. I changed my name when I got married because I didn't identify with my fathers name, so I took my husbands. And I joked pretty constantly after my divorce that I kept my ex's name because I had a better relationship with him than with my father, so I kept my married name (also because it is time consuming and EXPENSIVE to change your name).

But a time came when I was confident in myself, my strength, my place in the world, my relationship with my fiancé, my relationship with my family, and my career and I decided I was ready to be just me. And that's what suits me.

When I decided to change my name to reflect, in part, that I feel very strongly about women being slapped with a mans name, that view didn't come with the idea that it should impact beyond just me.

I don't want all the women in the world to change their names because I feel strongly about this. I don't judge women that keep their maiden name. I don't judge women that take their husbands names. That choice is the right choice for them, and I respect it because they're making a choice. And that choice is what feminism boils down to. What equality means.

Being equal means that you have choice. I have the choice to change my name without society having an apoplexy.

I have the right for that name change to cost the same as a name change for someone who is getting married or divorced, be it free, or at a cost, because a name change should have equal status across the board. There shouldn't be a built in bias for women getting married to change their name to their husbands name because they can do it for free from their license, to their passport, to the cost of the name change itself. A name change is a name change, the reason shouldn't matter. Because the choice to change your name is personal, and the government shouldn't have a bias, even a cost bias when something is a personal choice.

Choices are not things that go beyond yourself. Choice is entirely something you do on your own.

A name change, a marriage, divorce, abortion, birth control, adoption, these are things that a single person of their own sane mind should be able to choose.

Where you go, who you go with, what you wear, who you leave with, these are your own free choices and should not come with risks like sexual assault, abuse, and rape.

I don't judge women or men for keeping or changing their name, or for making choices that wouldn't suit me personally because I don't want them to judge me when I make those choices.

And because I respect their right to make those choices on their own without society pushing them to go a certain way. Or politicians forcing them to go a  certain way because that politician is pushing a religious agenda.

As people in this world we are born with nothing but what other people give us. Our opinions and thoughts as we grow and develop are those that are imprinted on us by parents, teachers and friends.

It takes a long time to come to a point where you can stand up and know that you are saying something or doing something that comes truly from inside yourself because of your own strength and conviction. And those decisions and actions should be celebrated because choice should be celebrated.

I am whoever I say I am, and right now I say that I'm Ruth Fiona and if you don't like it, well, honestly it's none of your fucking business.