I'm here, he's not, and fuck the whole world.

Everyone that knows me is probably pretty sick of my long distance relationship whining. Which is fair enough, because about every 3-4 months or so I do one of these posts about how despondent I am after leaving my fiance at an airport.

This post is no exception.

I picked up Americo at the Sydney airport on April 4th this year. It seems completely impossible that three months have gone by in the cliched heart beat and I've had to take him back to Sydney to see him smile at me sadly before he goes around the corner into security.

I had thought, this being our fourth adventure into this particular piece of heart break, that this time might be easier, and for most of the trip it was. I was holding it together so well, no tears, super tough, til 3/4 of the way home.

And then there was a guy singing on a podcast I love and shit totally went south. I had no idea who he was, since as far as I know we don't get the Voice over here, but this guy was singing solo and it killed me. The simple start of Water to Wine and the tears started, by half way through the song I had to pull over, and had to stay on the side of the road sobbing for a good 30 minutes. Damn that Nakia (songs are available on iTunes, check them out).

Anyway, made it home safely, did the groceries, and sobbed my way around an empty house which is too quiet, and smells like his cologne.

The couch is too empty, the bed too big, and the whole fucking world is stupid and I hate you all with your husbands, wives, partners in the same city as you. Even the same country as you. The same continent. I hate you all.

It's all cliche that you appreciate things more if you have to work for them, and it seems to be true in this case, since every trip, and every absence makes this both easier and harder in equal measure. And it's more worth it every day, because I love this guy, from his stupid ass jokes (you really have NO IDEA just how stupid they are) to his dumb notes on the pantry telling me to eat vegetables.

One day soon we'll figure our shit out, he'll sell a movie, I'll pay out my debt, and I'll move to California because he's there, and I'm here, and that's just stupid.